My Bum Hurts From Trying To Figure Out My Life!

Yes indeed. For the past few days I've been researching my life. Sitting here at this computer on this hard chair.
Racking my brain and bruising my butt.

It all started with a call from my Daddy. He started talking about my future and what I'm going to do with it. He was making suggestions and things.
I started thinking and my oh my the anxiety attack was coming on strong!

I have ONE semester left! ONE!

I got to thinking about what I like to do and what courses I've actually enjoyed and it came to me.

Photojournalism?

I mean the pay is poop but I don't think that should matter in the end.
I love to take pictures. I always take the most in my group of friends.
And I don't just take pictures. I try to make them asthetically pleasing (most of the time...haha). I'll just whipp out my camera at times and just try to play with it and make artsy looking photos.

And I think to take pictures of people and activities for the masses to see and experience would be awesome! I could be so involved with my community! This is something I've wanted to do but just never did it!

And I could travel! There are plenty of opportunities for photojournalists to go EVERYWHERE!
I want to take beautiful pictures of ... life, I guess.

I would have lots of gorgeous photos of my family over the fireplace that's for sure.

So guess what I'm asking for for Christmas/My Birthday? A digital SLR! WOOT! Right now I have a point and shoot canon, but if I want to get serious I need bigger and better tools.

In this transition period I wanted to get an Intro DSLR. I've narrowed it down to the Canon Rebel Xsi and the Sony alpha 300.

The Canon is $100 more but it was consistently on the top digital slr lists for it's class. It apparently gets amazing picture quality.

The Sony is neat because it has a live view feature (no blacking out when you take a picture) and an adjustable lcd. So I can just throw my camera over heads or gates and actually know what I'm taking a picture of! Neat!

I thing either camera would be an awesome new step up from my point and shoot. I'm actually excited to learn about things in this field.

I'll keep you guys posted on this for SURE!

K...my butt is very angry. I must go.

AHHHH

I'M STUDYING
STUDYING!
SHHHHH!
I'M STUDYING!
Or at least I'm trying. Only two more exams. Two more days.
Then it can officially be Christmas time in my mind.
I cannot wait for rest.
Ahhhh.
BUT FOR NOW -
I MUST STUDY!

Ethics Paper What???

Hello again.
This is me.
This is me procrastinating writing a 5 page paper ( I know - gargantuan right?) for my media law and ethics class.
Boo on IT!
I cannot stand doing these papers I care nothing about.
And of course I make it worse for myself by putting it off until just about the minute it is due.
BUT IT'S SO MUCH WOOOOOOORRRRKKKKK.
It's exam time in Tennessee. And it's awesome.
Try going to the library around 7pm during these two weeks.
Good Luck m'friend....
Our library is huge...and nearly every carrel is taken and there are no computers.
Everyone is jacked up on caffeine and TALKING LOUDLY ABOUT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN!
I was about to get medieval on that girl's fanny.
And there was another girl that COULD NOT HAVE EATEN HER CHEETOS ANY LOUDER!
I had to get out of there to .... do .... this apparently.
I am such a slacker.
Anywho. I should really start this thing. It's due in less than 42 hours!
WOE IS I! ... to be correct.
See you on the other side.

Will I Marry Kokoum?!

So I spent hours the past two days searching for what I wanted to be when I 'grow up.'
And I still cannot tell you.
I'm pretty sure I want to be a flight attendant right out of college.
Yeah. I know. Crazy right?
A flight attendant.
You have to deal with so much stuff - the variety of people, the dangers, and the whole day-to-day action that goes on...you never know when you're going to be asked to take a flight.
But the traveling is what I want.
I am not tied down at the moment. I have a boyfriend, yes. But I don't have a house or children or anything like that. It seems like the only plausible time to take this opportunity...in my case.
But I love flying and I love change. I could interact with different people everyday and make their plane trips just as awesome as mine are. And I really love going to new places.
I realize I'd be mostly traveling within the US, but it is SOMETHING!

But then I thought...what am I going to do after that?!

Oh how strange my life is going to be.

I think I'll get my associates degree in nursing and be a RN. They're in demand wherever you go and the pay is better than most journalism jobs I'd be doing! But the schooling...and the money for school...and CHEMISTRY...ick. I'd have to REALLY not have anything else to do. ...however I do LOVE to be in hospitals. True Story. The chemical smells and the scrubs and the atmosphere of good being done (I know what I'm trying to say okay?). I would feel needed there. And I think I could EXCEL at that.

But then just today I was looking through journalismjobs.com at possible future jobs and whatnot and the jobs did not seem that bad. I just really do not want to be a reporter... just the thought of that depresses me for some reason. I'm definately more introverted and I would need to do something along the lines of copy editing or graphic design or photography...which I do love. I don't know why I do not spend more time on the things that I am interested in (besides my friends and David). If I saved to get an awesome Nikon camera, I could go to town.
In fact...I'm going to ask for one for Christmas.

But see this? I'm 21 - getting dangerously close to 22, and I still have no idea what direction my life is going. It's scary and needless to say it occasionally keeps me up at night.

Too bad I only have one semester left....

Let There Be SNOW

So apparently it flurried last night...and I, of course, missed it.
Even though snow is one of the simple things in life that just put an instant grin on my goofy face.
But no.
I was inside my dorm livingroom, flipping through tv, playing on facebook - alone.
OH what a sad sight to see.
I really do wish I could've seen it.
But anywho, I went to Greeneville, TN this weekend with David and it was awesome.
It seriously felt like it was Thanksgiving. There was food everywhwere, family everywhere, and the trees were gorgeous!

This is the view from the back deck.
Look at the gorgeous colors!

And the clouds added awesome contrast.
I love the combination of dark background an sunlit trees.
Creates amazing pictures.

So I was happy I did get THAT this weekend. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside :)
Can't wait for THANKSGIVING!!!

Must Be Love

So. I had a dream last night. They seem to come far and few between because, well, I don't sleep.
Anywho. Let me expound on my flight of fantasy.



Well my boyfriend David and I were in a house being obnoxiously adorable as usual and just having a cute ole time. We decided to step outside.

Enter CHAOS
It was the battle to end all battles.


Just pass the threshold of the door was this epic battle that we all knew was coming. We just didn't know when. The human race against...the "others."
I do not quite remember what the "others" were but I believe they were machines or they just had amazing machines...of the killing sort.
But it was us against them and we basically had nothing.
Horror struck us.
And the realization that we were all going to die (depressing right?!). The sight was horrendous.
I do not remember exactly what happened next but I later found myself without David or anyone I knew.
There was practically no where to hide from the machines and madness. Just people dying everywhere.
I came to a house that was nearly completely destroyed where I would try to hide. And I do believe I saw a sibling there. But I do not remember where they went or what happened to them.
I was just so scared hiding in the rubble.
Then all of the sudden it was over.
It was completely silent.
Everything was destroyed and it appeared that there was not a single soul left anywhere.
I had survived.
Alone.
Everyone I loved was gone.
I began walking...where?! Don't know.
But amazingly I came upon people! Some of my brothers and sisters were there and other survivors! I was excited.
But then I became overwhelmed with sadness and fear.
David was not in sight. I was frantic and I started running down the street (which seemed to be the only scenery...just the street and rubble....and then black).
But I was running calling out for David.
Then I heard people calling my name behind me.
I turned around and the crowd of survivors were running after me and in front and center was DAVID!
Oh god the relief and happiness that came over me....
I ran to him and hugged and kissed him all the while sobbing my eyes out.
He was completely clean though. He was wearing a bright outfit that I believe was basketball clothes (looked like some High School Musical crap)...
But I awoke after that. And the dream seemed so incredibly long.
I thought about it and I was like "Yep. That must be love."
And then David really came home to me and I told him all about it :)
I love Love. That is all.

Today I Feel Important

This is big news!
I was able to participate in the 2008 Presidential Election! And it felt awesome.
At first I was like, "oh...yay. I'm going to basically put a random checkmark by my vote and that'll be that"
But as it came time for me to actually go to my polling place, I felt a surge of duty and significance.
I can be a part of something really BIG!
And so I began to walk with more haste (and perhaps a little more swagger).
I got in line and began to look at all the students there. They were just like me.
On a daily basis, I feel super young and basically insignigicant. But today I was able to step back and see myself amongst the other students...see myself as an adult making an important decision that could change our nation (for better or for worse).
And I know this will sound beyond cheesey, but at that moment, I seriously cracked a smile.
I was proud of myself and everyone voting around me.
I don't care who they voted for or why, but the fact that they voted matters.
So today was momentous and I thought I'd share how I felt.
Now I'm going to nap because I have to work tonight.
And I'm going to stay up all night to study for an exam and watch election coverage.
Until next time....

The confusion that is daylight savings...

So...I arose today utterly depressed at what I thought was 12:30pm.
my phone told me otherwise.
I actually had NOT gotten up at that perfect moment-that horrible, perfect moment when one realizes they had missed the ENTIRE morning!
I had a WHOLE thirty mins left of glorious morning time to figure out what I'm going to do with my day and what AWESOMENESS was going to ensue.
You know what I did?
I checked facebook. Watched television (I couldn't even tell you what I watched!...). Ate old chik-fil-a (and WONDERFUL mac-n-cheese made by my boyfriend).
After that I felt pooey. Straight up pooey.
And I went to bed.
And I stayed there.
until 6pm.
not really sleeping...not really being awake.
just. There.
....
how increadibly depressing. I got up feeling like I SERIOUSLY have NO purpose!
I felt lost and useless.
And that's the worst feeling sometimes.
So I went to the gym...but couldn't stay long because my chest felt like it was suffocating my lungs.
And I went tanning. That did perk me up a bit. Must be all that vitamin c...or whatever essential vitamin you get from tanning (good enough reason for ME to fry my skin and look 40 at 25!).
And I felt this was THE perfect day to start my blog off with a BANG!
haha.
and now it is 9:43pm.
and I am once again at a complete loss of what to do.
I could start my homework that's due in like 2 weeks.
BUT how very uncharacteristic of me! I prefer to wait until the 2 HOUR mark!
So I'll go join my roommate in awesome mind numbing boob tube-age.
Hope everyone else had a far more eventful day than I.
Until next time,
Samantha