I'm a little more calm now

I would like to apologize for the last entry. I was very frustrated - obviously.

But I spoke with the head of student publications on Monday. I was so scared she would eat me alive and then spit me out and rip my practicum papers to tiny confetti pieces and then sprinkle them on precious cupcakes for my editor to eat.

But, of course, this did not happen.

She was very understanding and amiable about the whole situation. She did stress that I need to get my stories in on time because it puts a strain on the whole team. And I understand that. Like I said, it comes with the job. And she understands that I work about 30 hours a week and sometimes I just can't take certain stories. But after our talk, I felt like I really wanted to prove to The Beacon that I was making improvements and trying to be a decent journalist.

So that is my goal. Hooray. I have a story tomorrow, but there is no calling for sources. I'll be attending an architect exhibition. So I'll just chit chat with some students and possibly faculty. And in efforts to make improvements I want to get the story done that day and turn it in.

I'm also taking a lot of pictures this weekend. Maybe I'll have a few I can post. Sorry for the lack of images. I can't believe I'm trying to do photojournalism and I don't even post pictures with every post.

I'll work all my kinks out eventually. Actually, no. No I probably won't. Because that's how life is. Full of kinks. Well, it definitely keeps things interesting for me.

With my next post I'll tell you all about how I want to go back to school. WHOA. Get excited.

Throw me a life jacket!

I feel like I'm drowning in life.

Again.

I couldn't sleep last night because I was having mild anxiety attacks.

Again.

If I mess up on ONE thing - my mind spirals out of control and I start to dwell on EVERYTHING that's going wrong with my life.

I think I seriously need anxiety medication sometimes.

I got my article done...not on Friday though. I was late. Which is NEVER good in journalism. That's part of the job - meeting deadlines. And I don't know how they do it. I don't. Because I tried to get people to contact me back. It's nearly impossible sometimes!

I hate it.

The publications department is threatening to not give me my practicum credit if I don't make deadline.

Okay FIRST of all, I missed deadline ONCE. And yes, yes. It's part of my job and I HAVE to make deadline, but it was out of my control! Are they seriously implying that they've made every single deadline THEY were given???

SECONDLY, I didn't want to base my practicum credit on being a news reporter. I came in with the intentions of being a photojournalist. And somehow, I got pushed into being practically the ONLY newswriter they have! So now I'm doing both (but more writing than anything). I think I'm earning my keep just fine, thank you. I'm sure some students have earned their credits by simply putting a story or a photo in every issue. I've had BOTH. I've produced more than one thing per issue. I just don't see the justice in them threatening my practicum credit.

I'm angry.

And freaking out about life.

What's new?

Now I must report to the newsroom and be critiqued on my most recent atrocity.

I mean...I'm no Carrie Bradshaw

So, I'm working with the school newspaper, The Daily Beacon, now. It's actually for course credit. Which puts a huge burden on my back to produce something every issue and earn my hours.

I successfully did so for the first three issues - only one of those stories being any close to decent - but then I sort of...stopped. I've skipped the past two issues. No good. The director of student publications will not like that at all. I basically swore up and down that if she let me come on as a senior trying to get the Beacon for my practicum, I would work hard and produce something for every issue.

And I've already fallen off my wagon. Gah. I'm not going to make it anywhere in this world!

I'm currently trying to finish a story for Friday's paper. It's due before noon tomorrow and I still have to get another source. Blarg. Means I'm going to have to ring some folks' ears off in efforts to get a comment or 12.

All I want to do is take pictures, but I'm writing more than anything. Which, I suppose is good - especially now when jobs of ANY sort in journalism are scarce. But I think I've had three pics in the paper. All to go with my stories, WHICH were all the lead stories - "above the fold" if you want to get sassy. But this is only because my article was basically the only news story produced by Beacon staff. Yeah. I am like one of two news writers.

Anywho. What else? No dice (or thongs?) with VS. They strung me along for about two weeks always saying they just needed to contact my references and then they would call me back. I keep in contact with my references, and VS never called. Why could they not just tell me I was not going to get the job? Spencer's did the very same thing to David.

Needless to say, our dreams of fabulous retail life were CRUSHED like Prince's velvet ensambles.

We ate lots of Ramen the following days. This is a lie. It was mac-n-cheese.

Well, I have to get up early tomorrow. I have a GLORIOUSLY long day ahead - one that will hopefully end with me sweating my ass off on the dirty floor of an old victorian house to the beat of Kenny Loggins's "Footloose." Ahhhhh I love some Sassy Ann's.

Sleep Well world.