It's on.

In a sad attempt to have something cool and exciting brought to my banal life, I have entered every Travel Channel sweepstakes I could.

One would give me the opportunity to travel to Germany. This would make my life if I won this trip. I've entered the competition everyday for three days so far. I'm so pathetic, yet optimistic.

Next, I entered a chance to have a buddy and myself travel to Washington D.C. for a couple of days and attend the Travel Channel academy. It's a super expensive four-day lesson on techniques for video and editing as a travel journalist - only THE best job anyone could ever have. To pay for the trip alone it would cost a couple thousand, but I could attend FO FREE!

There was another sweepstakes, but I don't think I have the time, money or energy to deck my apartment out in the craziest, flashiest Christmas lights...as MUCH as David and I ADORE the season...

Btw, we've already started listening to Christmas music. It's amazing.

Oh, this is sad

I worked today in greasy chicken lair for 8 hours.

I went to class for an hour.

I came home and I cleaned my car.

I cleaned my car with a Halloween bucket and a dirty dish rag in the parking lot of our apartment.

And the pathetic thing was - the act of hand-washing my car was the most exciting thing that happened to me all day.

I was genuinely very happy I did that today.

What has my life become?

Cruel World

Last week I FINALLY made it to a temp agency.
My poor Daddy has been telling me to do this for months.
They set me up immediately with a call center interview.
It was some mass hiring event and they needed a lot of new people and I would've started the following week!
Well, I go to the interview and I pretty much bomb it. I was so nervous.
It was one of those interviews where they ask you to dig back into the crevices of your work memory and try to dig out instances when you were faced with an ethical dilemma. Or, explain a time when you were proud of your work and maybe a time when you weren't so proud. If there was something you needed to tell me...how would you make sure I know what you are really trying to say?
Oh goodness.
Well, as usual, I get all teary-eyed...I don't know why...it happens everytime. My voice was cracking all over the place (and let me remind you this is a call center I was applying to - phone voices are a MUST).
I get back home and a few hours later I get a call from the temp lady saying I got the job and I need to go in for fingerprinting the following day.
I was so happy! Finally! A job out of the food industry! My own cubicle! I can wear nice clothes! I get PAID more!
Just as my ecstasy was at it's peak and I had already called home to tell my family I'm finally doing something, temp lady calls back.
She made a mistake.
She read the rating sheet incorrectly and I actually did NOT get the job.
Great.
What a cruel, cruel world.
Back to square one.
I need to leave Knoxville.
I'm going insane.

It's like one of those Infinity pools...

I feel like I'm just swimming and swimming.
Stroke.
Stroke.
Stroke.
Same thing over and over, but getting nowhere.
I feel like I'm in a rut.
And I can't get out.
It's really quite depressing.
And I know how I could reach the end of the pool.
I need a different job - first of all.
Then, I need to start going after what I really want to do.
And I need to really hone in on what that is.
I need a life coach.
That'd be perfect right now.
That's all.

I'm a little more calm now

I would like to apologize for the last entry. I was very frustrated - obviously.

But I spoke with the head of student publications on Monday. I was so scared she would eat me alive and then spit me out and rip my practicum papers to tiny confetti pieces and then sprinkle them on precious cupcakes for my editor to eat.

But, of course, this did not happen.

She was very understanding and amiable about the whole situation. She did stress that I need to get my stories in on time because it puts a strain on the whole team. And I understand that. Like I said, it comes with the job. And she understands that I work about 30 hours a week and sometimes I just can't take certain stories. But after our talk, I felt like I really wanted to prove to The Beacon that I was making improvements and trying to be a decent journalist.

So that is my goal. Hooray. I have a story tomorrow, but there is no calling for sources. I'll be attending an architect exhibition. So I'll just chit chat with some students and possibly faculty. And in efforts to make improvements I want to get the story done that day and turn it in.

I'm also taking a lot of pictures this weekend. Maybe I'll have a few I can post. Sorry for the lack of images. I can't believe I'm trying to do photojournalism and I don't even post pictures with every post.

I'll work all my kinks out eventually. Actually, no. No I probably won't. Because that's how life is. Full of kinks. Well, it definitely keeps things interesting for me.

With my next post I'll tell you all about how I want to go back to school. WHOA. Get excited.

Throw me a life jacket!

I feel like I'm drowning in life.

Again.

I couldn't sleep last night because I was having mild anxiety attacks.

Again.

If I mess up on ONE thing - my mind spirals out of control and I start to dwell on EVERYTHING that's going wrong with my life.

I think I seriously need anxiety medication sometimes.

I got my article done...not on Friday though. I was late. Which is NEVER good in journalism. That's part of the job - meeting deadlines. And I don't know how they do it. I don't. Because I tried to get people to contact me back. It's nearly impossible sometimes!

I hate it.

The publications department is threatening to not give me my practicum credit if I don't make deadline.

Okay FIRST of all, I missed deadline ONCE. And yes, yes. It's part of my job and I HAVE to make deadline, but it was out of my control! Are they seriously implying that they've made every single deadline THEY were given???

SECONDLY, I didn't want to base my practicum credit on being a news reporter. I came in with the intentions of being a photojournalist. And somehow, I got pushed into being practically the ONLY newswriter they have! So now I'm doing both (but more writing than anything). I think I'm earning my keep just fine, thank you. I'm sure some students have earned their credits by simply putting a story or a photo in every issue. I've had BOTH. I've produced more than one thing per issue. I just don't see the justice in them threatening my practicum credit.

I'm angry.

And freaking out about life.

What's new?

Now I must report to the newsroom and be critiqued on my most recent atrocity.

I mean...I'm no Carrie Bradshaw

So, I'm working with the school newspaper, The Daily Beacon, now. It's actually for course credit. Which puts a huge burden on my back to produce something every issue and earn my hours.

I successfully did so for the first three issues - only one of those stories being any close to decent - but then I sort of...stopped. I've skipped the past two issues. No good. The director of student publications will not like that at all. I basically swore up and down that if she let me come on as a senior trying to get the Beacon for my practicum, I would work hard and produce something for every issue.

And I've already fallen off my wagon. Gah. I'm not going to make it anywhere in this world!

I'm currently trying to finish a story for Friday's paper. It's due before noon tomorrow and I still have to get another source. Blarg. Means I'm going to have to ring some folks' ears off in efforts to get a comment or 12.

All I want to do is take pictures, but I'm writing more than anything. Which, I suppose is good - especially now when jobs of ANY sort in journalism are scarce. But I think I've had three pics in the paper. All to go with my stories, WHICH were all the lead stories - "above the fold" if you want to get sassy. But this is only because my article was basically the only news story produced by Beacon staff. Yeah. I am like one of two news writers.

Anywho. What else? No dice (or thongs?) with VS. They strung me along for about two weeks always saying they just needed to contact my references and then they would call me back. I keep in contact with my references, and VS never called. Why could they not just tell me I was not going to get the job? Spencer's did the very same thing to David.

Needless to say, our dreams of fabulous retail life were CRUSHED like Prince's velvet ensambles.

We ate lots of Ramen the following days. This is a lie. It was mac-n-cheese.

Well, I have to get up early tomorrow. I have a GLORIOUSLY long day ahead - one that will hopefully end with me sweating my ass off on the dirty floor of an old victorian house to the beat of Kenny Loggins's "Footloose." Ahhhhh I love some Sassy Ann's.

Sleep Well world.