Back to square one

So I didn't get the practicum with Knoxnews. Apparently they thought I was there for a full-blown paid internship and they don't do practicums over the summer. So...

I have to start looking somewhere else. I don't want to! I'm going to end up with some company where my "job" is to get coffee and file papers or something.

I'm not super excited about all aspects of journalism but I'd much rather do SOMETHING than nothing for 120 hours of my life!

Graduation day is in 11 days. Wow. All I know for sure at this moment in my life is that I have an editing class this summer. That's it.

And, of course, I'm having anxiety issues again. Heart rate going through the roof when I think about my future.

I don't know why I stress. I have my WHOLE LIFE to make something of myself. I just feel so behind when I see other go-getter journalism majors getting out there and doing what they love. They are the ones that are going to get hired instantly.

But I don't think that's me. I think that's why I'm not doing what they do. It's not what I want to do - at least not right now.

I'll eventually find MY job. But why get there so fast? Why the rush? I should enjoy life and ALL it has to offer.

I think by doing a variety of odd things and just moving about will provide me with more character. I don't feel like being pinned down right now, I guess. At least, not in the journalism world.

I love photography and I could take pictures all day, but what happens when I push it? When will too much be enough and I start to not appreciate the joys of photography? I don't want to get burned out on it.

Maybe it's some of these things. Maybe it's all of them. And then, maybe I'm just being a lazy 22 year old - and that's why I don't exactly know where I'm going in life.

But either way, I'll find that career.

Stress and anxiety are no fun.